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You’ve used logic, reason, ultimatums, bargaining and begging to no avail.Your wife still won’t go back to work even though the kids are in school full-time.Developmentally, they’re adolescents and resent their dependency on their parents who embarrass them, often disgust them, and constantly fail them by virtue of their shortcomings as human beings.
To be independent is hard work and facing true independence (not the pseudo-independence of the child who screams “I don’t need anything from you” right before they storm out of your house and drive to their friend in the car you pay for) is frightening. Furthermore, because these people are responding to conflicted, unconscious dependency needs, it is literally impossible to satisfy them.The comfort of knowing someone will always be there to take care of you and make everything all right is not easily given up; and once given up, the knowledge that there is no one standing between you and the dangers in the night is potentially terrifying. Your wife wants to be taken care of, but wants to be recognized as your equal.Here’s the problem: A child cannot be an equal partner to an adult. Palmatier, Psy D helps individuals work through their relationship and codependency issues via telephone or Skype.An equal relationship requires that both partners be with their own fully developed identities. She specializes in helping men and women trying to break free of an abusive relationship, cope with the stress of an abusive relationship or heal from an abusive relationship.If she wants to be seen as an equal, she needs to be an independent adult in every sense of the word. She combines practical advice, emotional support and goal-oriented outcomes.